And so I bought a
nother frilly dress.
And I'm now £40 in debt to a friend, who I love dearly else I wouldn't have been able to buy said frilly dress.
Oh shit, now I have to explain it to mum.
So, I had a film night with Rosalind y and it was really nice and chilled, watched Se7en and Donnie Darko and just generally chatted until half 4 at night.
But after watching that film, Donnie Darko, it got me thinking about things. Particually about stuff that I've been thinking considering and weighing up for a while but never properly thought about.
Just about reality and stuff.
Also, what is the point of everything? I mean, we are even less then a blip on the face of this planet and even less then that when it comes the the universe, so honestly, why do we strive to achieve so much when it means so little?
Even if we create something stunning, become that most wanted celebrity, become famous, infamous, or work out how to reach past our solar system, what is it all for? Who will remember it? How will they remember it, when everything else is gone?
They won't. Simple as that. And in some way, we all know this. Everytime we go 'ugh, what's the point?', we are acknowledging that there isn't a point. We work so hard, be it for good or bad, better or for worse and however much time, effort and money we place into this project of ours, it will never last.
And I suppose therein lies the oddity that is Humanity. Because despite this, we still strive to please, to be the best, to help and to care and whatever the hell else it is that society wishes for us to do.
I suppose it's because this gives us a purpose? In our short, sad little existance we have to fill life up with menial and trivial things so that we don't waste away in our nothingness on our insignificant little rock we call home in our lonely less-then-a-jot of space in the universe.
A little pessimistic, I know, but something that I was thinking about and wanted to get off my chest.
Ps: Even this means nothing.
... I'm Your Fool.
Went to Warwick the other day. And yeah, sure the campus is really nice and the course is pretty good but I'm not as buzzing about it as I was for Lancaster.
Shame that the Lancaster Campus isn't as good as Warwick's or my mind would be totally made up.
Mum, however, is convinced that I'm going to Warwick. I've told her that the drama course isn't as good for me and stuff but she's having none of it. Ugh.
I really do like Warwick as a Uni but Lancaster's course is fab (plus, America).
Then again, I'm not sure how I would feel being on Lancaster's campus, only an hour away from home. Mum sees this as a plus. Me?... Not so much.
And now she's raving about Loughbrough, or however you spell it, and again I'm like 'But I don't like the course!' and again she won't listen.
I would give up all the fame I'll never have to spend the rest of my life on a swing with friends on either side of me and an endless summer.
I wish life were as easy as people make it out to be.
With a Grimace.
This is a resolution.
This is a revolution.
And I'm going to keep it,
As a promise to myself.
- This attention whoring will stop as of tomorrow.
- I will stop being so optimistic and realise that everyone is getting fucking pissed off by it.
- I will work in my lessons rather then wing it at the last moment.
- Drama Academy will become a distant dream and I will work for Warwick.
Jessica, meet Reality. I know it's taken a while to meet each other but 'better late then never'.
Bye Dreams, see you in Hell.
...La Dah Dah
So, the end of Year 12. It was rather anti-climatic in all honesty.
Fun, but anti-climatic.
I was kinda looking forward to a hole group of us going to F&B's or something and just having a nice time. We haven't done that for a while (Since, what, the Xmas before last?) and it's something I enjoy loads. Ya know, good mates, alright food and a few laughs.
However, due to unforseen circumstances and things cropping up (and people dropping out) it didn't happen.
The three of us still up for it (Becca, Roro and me) found a really nice cafe though and spent about three hours or so just chatting. It was still nice but not what I'd expected for the last day.
This worries me. Will our last day next year be the same? Will any effort I put ito going out with a bang be no use?
Ah well, no use worrying right?
Going to Roro's tonight to watch Shakespeare for 24 hours! Haha, we're getting sponsored to do it too which is even better. She's got loads of DVDs and so I'm providing the snacks and my Romeo and Juilet DVD (The modern one everyone knows about).
I'm looking forward to it, should be good fun!
Found a gorgeous song from a musical the other day. It's called 'Still Hurting' from 'The Last Five Years'. Apparently it was really big about 5-6 years ago but I've never heard of it. Anyway, I love it and I'm going to suggest it to Jo for my lessons. I also think it's in the Performance Certificate so that's useful.
OH! I also got my Grade 8 singing the other day. With merit! One step closer to RADA guys! :)
Let's Go See The Stars.
I saw 'State of Play' today at the cinema with Roro. T'was pretty interesting, I guess. It's not the sort of thing I'd go to see normally but it was the only decent thing on so we figured it wouldn't hurt to give it a go.
I need to do an essay and finish my Unit One in art... all for tomorrow.
Oh procrastination, see what you do to me.
I feel like doing some writing. Dunno what on though. I might finish that chapter I started an age ago.
Or I might not.
I'm feeling uninspired.